The Do’s and Don’ts of Fighting Fair with Your Partner: A Guide for Overwhelmed Moms

Why Fighting Fair Matters (Especially for Moms)

Let’s be real: managing a household, kids, and a partnership can sometimes feel like juggling flaming swords—while blindfolded. Add sleep deprivation, a never-ending to-do list, and the mental load of motherhood, and it’s easy to see why small disagreements can blow up into big arguments. But here’s the thing: fighting fair doesn’t mean you’ll never argue. It means knowing how to resolve conflicts in a way that doesn’t leave both of you emotionally drained.

P.S. If you’re new here, hi! I’m Kelly, mom of four (including twins!) and someone who’s navigated more than her fair share of arguments with my partner. We have been together for 23 years and done ALL the fighting, ALL the awful, mean, cussing, absolute angered communication.

Over the years, I’ve learned the hard way that communication is everything, especially when life gets chaotic. Let’s break down how to fight fair and rebuild connection, even on the tough days.

The Don’ts: What to Avoid During Disagreements

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but how you handle it can either strengthen your bond or leave you both feeling drained. Before we dive into the “don’ts,” I want to say this: none of us handle conflict perfectly all the time. These things are tough, and tackling them all at once isn’t realistic (or fair to yourself).

So, give yourself some grace, mama. And here’s an important tip: share these ideas with your partner. Healthy communication is a two-way street, and you both deserve to feel supported in this. Let’s work on this as a team…you SHOULDN’T carry it all alone!!

Don’t Resort to Blame

When emotions are high, it’s tempting to throw out phrases like, “You never help around the house!” or “You always forget to listen.” But blame only fuels defensiveness.

Instead, I’ve found it helpful to pause and ask myself, “What am I really feeling right now?” Most of the time, it’s not about the forgotten laundry—it’s about feeling unseen or overwhelmed (ooo…that’s deep!). Sharing your feelings without pointing fingers creates space for a real conversation.

Don’t Bring Up Past Fights

It’s easy to revisit old arguments when you’re in the heat of the moment, but rehashing the past derails the issue at hand. Stick to the present.

A client once told me she kept a “mental archive” of her partner’s mistakes, which would surface during fights. Together, we worked on letting go of that running tally, and she found it so freeing. Keeping arguments focused on one topic helps prevent unnecessary tension.

Don’t Shut Down or Walk Away (Unless You Need a Time-Out)

Walking away mid-conversation sends the message that you’re not willing to work through the issue. But if you’re feeling too overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a time-out—as long as you communicate that you’ll come back to the discussion.

In my own marriage, I’ve learned to say, “I need 10 minutes to calm down, and then we’ll talk.” or “I am feeling really angry and I don’t want to say something that I don’t truly mean.” This approach helps me avoid saying something I’ll regret while showing my partner that I’m still committed to resolving things.

The Do’s: Healthy Ways to Navigate Conflict

Now that we’ve covered the don’ts, let’s focus on what you can do to make disagreements productive rather than destructive.

Do Practice Active Listening

Listening is more than just hearing—it’s understanding. Put down your phone, make eye contact, and genuinely focus on your partner’s words.

Try this: when they’re done speaking, summarize what you heard and ask, “Did I get that right?” This small step shows that you value their perspective, even if you don’t fully agree.

Do Use “I” Statements

Instead of saying, “You never help with the kids,” try, “I feel overwhelmed when I don’t have help with bedtime.”

“I” statements shift the focus from blaming to sharing, which can soften the tone of the conversation. Trust me, this one change has saved my husband and me from countless unnecessary arguments.

Do Take Responsibility for Your Part

Nobody’s perfect—not even us moms. Owning your mistakes can pave the way for resolution and mutual understanding.

If I snap at my partner because I’m tired, I’ll often circle back and say, “I was feeling really overwhelmed earlier, and I’m sorry for how I handled that.” Acknowledging your role helps de-escalate tension and models accountability for your kids, too.

When Things Feel Overwhelming: How to Reset Together

Even with the best intentions, arguments can leave you both feeling emotionally drained. Resetting together is key to moving forward.

Try a Post-Fight Ritual

Conflict can leave an emotional hangover, so finding a way to reset after an argument is crucial for reconnecting. This doesn’t have to be elaborate. It could be as simple as taking a walk, sharing a hug, or saying, “I’m ready to move forward—are you?”

One tip I often share with clients is to create a simple ritual that feels natural for your relationship.

For example, after a disagreement, take a few minutes to check in with each other: “What do you need from me right now?” or “How can we get back on the same page?” This helps clear the air and reminds you both that your connection is bigger than any single argument.

Download My Free 5-Minute Reset Guide

You know those moments when you’ve hit your limit?

The kids are screaming, the mess is piling up, and even the sound of someone breathing feels like too much. Yeah, this guide is for those moments.

The 5-Minute Reset Plan for Overwhelmed Moms is your no-fluff solution for what to do when you’re overstimulated, exhausted, and about to snap (or maybe you already did).

It’s not another generic “self-care” list telling you to “drink more water” or “go for a walk.” This guide is quick, practical, and designed for moms who are done.

How My Coaching Can Help You Rebuild Connection

Let’s be real: navigating conflict as a mom is no joke. Between the mental load, sheer exhaustion, and constant demands, it’s easy for even small disagreements to feel monumental. I get it…keeping your cool and staying connected can feel impossible when you’re running on fumes.

That’s where coaching comes in. Together, we’ll:

• Pinpoint Your Triggers: Ever feel like you’re having the same fight on repeat? Let’s dig into what’s really going on so you can break the cycle.

• Simplify Communication: Forget overwhelming scripts and strategies. We’ll build easy, practical tools that fit into your everyday life (yes, even on the crazy days).

• Prioritize Connection: Learn how to set boundaries that protect your energy and foster a stronger, more connected partnership.

• Create Stress-Reducing Routines: Small shifts can lead to big changes in your home’s vibe—let’s design routines that work for your family.

I know how lonely it can feel when conflict starts to weigh you down, but you don’t have to carry it all on your own. Let’s work together to create a plan that helps you navigate tough moments with less stress and more clarity. You’ve got this, and I’m here to help every step of the way.

If you just want to talk through whether you think we would be a good fit together, schedule a FREE 20 minute consulation and we can tackle it together.

Conclusion: Fighting Fair Can Transform Your Marriage

Key Takeaways:

• Conflict happens in every relationship, but how you approach it makes all the difference.

• Shift the focus from blame to understanding by practicing active listening.

• Small, consistent efforts can lead to healthier communication and a deeper connection with your partner.

If you’re ready to strengthen your relationship and tackle conflict in a way that feels manageable and effective, let’s chat. Schedule your free 20-minute consultation today, and together we’ll create a plan that turns those tough moments into opportunities for growth and connection. You deserve a partnership that feels like a team, not a tug-of-war.

Here’s to Hitting Reset with Compassion and Confidence,

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