The Day I Lost My Sh*t

“Just breathe.”

That’s what the Instagram expert told me to do when I was standing in my kitchen, surrounded by crying twins, spilled breastmilk literally everywhere, and feeling that familiar rage bubble up in my chest.

You know what I wanted to do? Throw my phone across the room.

Because here’s the truth: When you’re in the middle of mom rage, being told to “just breathe” feels about as helpful as being told to “just calm down” when you’re angry. (Spoiler alert: It makes everything worse.)

And I should know. Not only am I a mom of four (including twins!) who’s been there more times than I’d like to admit, but I’m also a behavior expert with a master’s in counseling. And let me tell you - there’s a reason why all that fluffy advice isn’t working for you.

Why Traditional Mom Rage Advice Fails

Let’s get real for a second. You’re not failing because you can’t do a perfect breathing exercise while your toddler is having their third meltdown of the hour. The mainstream advice fails because it:

• Ignores the reality of what’s happening in your brain – Your nervous system isn’t exactly primed for “deep cleansing breaths” when you’re overstimulated and triggered.

• Assumes you have time to do a 20-minute meditation – Who has time for that in the middle of a rage spiral? Not a mom with toddlers throwing snacks across the room.

• Makes you feel even worse when it doesn’t work – The underlying message? You’re the problem. And that just piles guilt on top of everything else.

• Completely misses the actual triggers of mom rage – Spoiler: It’s not just about the mess, the screaming, or the endless “mom mom mom.” It’s deeper than that.

What’s REALLY Happening in Your Brain During Mom Rage

Here’s what nobody’s telling you: Mom rage isn’t a character flaw - it’s your brain’s response to being pushed past its limits. When you’re overstimulated, sleep-deprived, and trying to manage multiple tiny humans’ needs, your brain goes into survival mode.

That rage? It’s not because you’re a bad mom. It’s because you’re human, and your nervous system is screaming for help.

Your brain perceives the chaos as a threat, flooding your system with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. The logical, calm, “patient mom” part of your brain? Totally offline. Your body thinks it’s fight or flight time.

This is why “just breathe” doesn’t work in the heat of the moment. You’re already past the point of reasoning—your nervous system needs a different kind of reset.

Beyond Deep Breathing: What Actually Works

Instead of giving you more useless “calm down” advice, let’s talk about what really works when you’re in the thick of it:

Step 1: Recognize Your Triggers

Not all rage is created equal. Some of us lose it over constant interruptions, others over the noise level, and some of us snap when we feel completely unseen and unappreciated.

Your triggers are unique to you. Pay attention to the moments that ignite that fire in your chest—because once you know your triggers, you can start intercepting the rage before it fully takes over.

Step 2: Reality Check the Guilt

The biggest mind trick mom rage plays? Making you believe you’re failing. But rage doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. It means you’re carrying too much, with too little support.

Instead of sinking into guilt, try this simple thought swap:
"This is hard, and I’m struggling" → "This is hard, and I deserve support."

See the difference?

Step 3: Reset in 60 Seconds (Without Cheesy Deep Breaths)

Look, every mom is different. What helps one person might not work for another. The key is to find a reset strategy that actually fits YOUR personality—not some one-size-fits-all nonsense.

Try one of these:

• Call It Out: Say to your kids, “Mom is feeling really frustrated right now. I’m going to take a second to calm down.” Teaching kids that emotions are normal helps them regulate their own emotions too.

• Interrupt the Pattern: Say something unexpected, like “I love you, but I need 10 seconds.” Walk away if you need to—yes, even if your child is mid-tantrum.

• Flip the Narrative: Instead of “This moment will pass,” try: “I am in control of how I respond right now.” It’s a small shift, but it puts YOU back in charge of the moment.

Your Action Plan for the Next Rage Spiral

Because let’s be honest - it’s probably coming. But this time, you’ll be ready with more than just breathing exercises.

I’ve created a 5-Minute Mom Reset specifically for these moments. It’s not about finding inner peace while your toddler draws on the walls - it’s about real, practical steps you can take when you’re about to lose it (or already have).

How to Handle the Aftermath (Without the Guilt Trip)

You know that shame spiral that hits after you’ve lost your cool? Yeah, we need to talk about that too.

Because beating yourself up isn’t helping anyone - especially not your kids.

Here’s the truth: losing your temper doesn’t define your parenting. How you repair the moment does.

A simple repair statement can change everything:
"Hey buddy, I didn’t handle that the way I wanted to. I’m sorry. Let’s start fresh."

This isn’t just good for your kids—it’s good for YOU. It’s a reminder that you are allowed to be human.

Ready for Real Support?

Look, maybe you’re sitting there thinking, “This all makes sense, but I need more than just tools - I need someone who gets it.”

I work 1:1 with moms who are ready to:

• Break free from the rage-guilt cycle (without the generic “calm down” advice)

• Actually enjoy motherhood instead of just surviving it

• Create practical strategies that work for YOUR specific triggers

• Stop beating yourself up every time you lose your cool

Through personalized mom coaching, we’ll create a plan that works for YOUR real life - not some Instagram-perfect version of motherhood. Because you deserve to feel confident in your mothering, even on the hard days.

Next Steps: Get the Support You Deserve

Want to explore what that could look like for you?

📥 Download my 5-Minute Mom Reset (because sometimes, you just need a plan for right now).

DM me with “RESET” and let’s chat about getting you from surviving to thriving.

Ready to break the rage-guilt cycle for good? Check out my coaching packages here to see how we can work together. Whether you’re craving more patience, less overwhelm, or just a plan that makes sense for your life—I’ve got you.

Remember: You’re not alone in this, you’re not a bad mom, and there ARE solutions that actually work. Even if you’ve already lost it today - especially if you’ve already lost it today - I’ve got you.

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